| Within Myself |
[Mar. 25th, 2009|10:30 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | School | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Within Temptation - See who I Am | ] |
There are plenty of things I think when I look into the mirror,
That the Face isn't fractured anymore, but that the person still isn't whole in the complete sense
I want nothing more then to burn with fire and lash out, to drive myself forward with a fever that sweeps threw my blood
and leaves me aching and bare, and clawing and howling at this hated flesh that holds me.
There is nothing more I hate then the human form, the flesh that holds what people carry, the shattered pieces of exquisite beauty that people have piece together is an amazing display of stained glass to make up the classical and diverse patterns of their souls.
Each dream broken and remade, reformed, etched and hung or cemented or linked near or next to that which once made them real, or was destroyed and recreated by love, hate, betrayal, or self realization.
Each unique person with hopes and scars upon the surface of something that shines so brightly inside them , of is covered in the layer of there own self scaring, to see that I ache, once in a while I'll see people, with a veil of dark mist covering there sincerity.
I dreamed I was fighting again, He called and I could feel him walking the halls of the school and I felt a rage in me like nothing in my life, it's still burning now.
I knew I could never defeat That person, But I didn't care, I wanted to rip out the their throat,I wanted to Beat him like I'd been, rip into him the feelings I'd felt, and he mocked so pleasantly, he coached the violence out of me like a skilled violinist on his favored strings.
each word falling fumbling from his mouth like a one rancid barb after another.
"Mark me."
My soul screaming complete indignation at the Idea.
I can't even recall in the dream how I was ripping into him, as my friends watched on
in horror, as he danced around me or into me taking or deflecting my blows like they were just minor annoyances.
"Bare yourself to me!" I clawed at his face when he said that, leaving one line across it.
and that face was more like heaven then hell could ever manage.
the gold chain acrossed tanned skin, those slate gray eyes baring into me like death ready to end the world, and I burned with fire so volatile "Never again! Never again! Will I Share those Piece's of Me!"
I spat at his Feet and he sneer and snarled angrily, I was getting weary but I wasn't gonna say die.
He raised his hand to strike me and he say everyone watching, as I stood there, Looking him in the eye, huffing and puffing and angrier then any hornet, He considered breaking me, like all those before me had.
But he stopped, and grabbed my face in his hands "I will not. Be compared."
For some reason this sent me into me out of my mind and I lost it.
I Just started attacking and attacking and he let me all the while still telling me "Mark Me"
I don't recall what I did or how it happened but I ended against the wall, weak and completely drained of any type of will, and he grabbed me by the throat and lifted me up off the ground and
wrapped one arm around my waist and one to my head and placed my lips on his shoulder, and whispered into my ear as he cradled my weak and collapsed form "Mark Me. And I will Make give you proof"
And I could not resist I rips into his shoulder my teeth sharp enough to draw blood and make little cuts to mark his beautiful skin, the gold hoop of something on the gold chain pressing, into me threw the gray shirt. His breath lightly hovering above my collar on my neck, and the notion of sharing the moment tempts him.
His lips cast out a silent breath, A contentment that made me want to die, I did not like even this small victory...
blood upon my lips as I pull away and his lips capture mine promising more things Then can be delivered in words hands in my hair he taste his own blood in my mouth and it smears across both our faces he lets me collapses lightly onto the floor and I'm more a puddle then anything Feeling worthless and defeated and yet still defiant, but to confused and out of it to talk,
He smeers the blood across my lips gently taking most of it off my lips.
"Your Weak, I will train you to be stronger, that will be the proof you need, I will mark you only when you willingly come to me."
Outrage, poured through every fiber of me. He stood and Said He would train me and I would willingly come to him.
he began to leave threw the doors of the upstairs student center into another hallway...
His blood, was scary intoxicating and yet invigorating, Coursing threw me and My mind like a battery, the flames in me burning hot once again, and I stand to attack him.
and He stands down and shows me my own mark on him, he's not gonna fight me, He belongs to me.
I begin howling in rage, Anger and misery and Fall to my hands and knees, Feeling the urge to claw my own flesh from my bones.
He is smug, and Yet he would rather not have to do anything like this I know.
but there is a need.
His wild hair golden brown hair cast in a style of it's own making, the last thing I see before I bury my face in my hands and howl my aggravation my soul ripping free from my throat into noise far to animal for any normal person to comprehend. The people there surround me Not sure not understanding, scared and yet lovingly concerned.
The dream end there,
And the Next is I'm in the dark outside the night is showing only the dark outline of tree and the deep blue color, the small white wolf with golden eyes runs in from of me almost out of sight, I'm running behind now Though I'm confused for a second and yet I feel completely natural I'm still chase after The Little white Wolf, The violent surge charges threw me and I pause, and my hands aren't quite hands, they are dirty black brown fur and black claws
the beast in me is still seething at it self being conquered, It roars and howls and the white wolf bleeds into the dark.
I my mind racing the anger is what was making me slow but it was curupting my form, which was making me slower.
I did Not want to lose the wolf to have her fall out of my vision with no path, I want to follow her where she leads, I will, I will not be left behind, I will catch up with her and I will not end here. And then I was racing in a form that wasn't me I didn't want this
To end I wanted to catch her I want to break this little wolf, the wild thing that always stayed leagues ahead of me.
I raced and Once again she was in my sight no longer was the forest black and looming like dark shadows waiting to pounce, the ground under my limbs soft and pliable like it wanted to help my plight.
I races harder and it seems like seconds and I'm right behind her and she glances back and in that second of weakness I pounce and I lunge at her, And As I go for her throat, I pause and I no longer have the same type of rage, and I lick her face with an inhuman tongue and nuzzle her her and roll, and she understands, and she begins to play fight with me...
but I don't understand I'm seeing like normal but I am different.
and I sit in the soft dirt, and I muse over the new color on my limbs that my hands aren't hands.
that but this doesn't bother me, I'm not seeing the whole picture.
the white wolf nuzzles me and edges me towards the water,
and I look in to the dark stream, and I see a wolf, a grey wolf with green eye looking back at me.
My paw/hand moves forward and hits the placid water and it ripples and I am startle at the realization that has occurred.
I spin and Look and the little white wolf is looking at me, and I know it understands more then I don't, that pure angry makes a beast but control gives us it's form.
I let loose a Howl that is excitement and Horror and sorrow and All that I am, she howls with me and we sing a song that Bend even the night air around us in to a swirling madness of emotion, the chaos of mind and matter no long applying and when it is finished she nudges my face with hers, and I am to exhausted to be nothing but content.
What in my life is anything but a few would of mystery
when my mind forms things that make life in me whole and love in me more then violent conclusions
I am happy with that conclusion.
But what am I in my anger that I am not in my flesh?
I'm self Concerned, And driven. |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
lexlaramire's journal
amused